Hadn't seen this before, but why not throw gas on the fire?(not Gesser related)
- Thread starter BleedCrimsonandGray
- Start date
Don't understand this thinking that the WSU administration has done nothing to honor Tyler, this was at the SJSU game
About 30 members of the Hilinski family gathered around as the flag was raised. Tyler's mother, Kym, cried as the crowd cheered and she raised three fingers in the air in honor of her son.
All over the Martin Stadium were reminders of what Tyler meant to Cougar Nation. His No. 3 waved on flags across the stadium. It was printed on towels that hung around players' necks and was stuck to the sides of the Cougars' helmets.
Painted in the center of the field was a blue and purple ribbon, representing Kym's biggest reason for being back on the WSU football field Saturday night -- suicide prevention and awareness.
Also there are preliminary discussions with the pac-12 and having a comeback player of the year, and the Hilinski award.
Depending on which medical experts you speak with there is a fine line between not doing enough, and doing too much. I am no expert, but there are suggestions that Memorials everywhere may actually induce someone that is on the verge of suicide, actually going ahead, assuming he or she will get their own memorial.
Just like we don't understand why it happened, or how it happens. I don't think anyone has a right to criticize what should or shouldn't be done, as there are not easy answers and there is no sole solution.
About 30 members of the Hilinski family gathered around as the flag was raised. Tyler's mother, Kym, cried as the crowd cheered and she raised three fingers in the air in honor of her son.
All over the Martin Stadium were reminders of what Tyler meant to Cougar Nation. His No. 3 waved on flags across the stadium. It was printed on towels that hung around players' necks and was stuck to the sides of the Cougars' helmets.
Painted in the center of the field was a blue and purple ribbon, representing Kym's biggest reason for being back on the WSU football field Saturday night -- suicide prevention and awareness.
Also there are preliminary discussions with the pac-12 and having a comeback player of the year, and the Hilinski award.
Depending on which medical experts you speak with there is a fine line between not doing enough, and doing too much. I am no expert, but there are suggestions that Memorials everywhere may actually induce someone that is on the verge of suicide, actually going ahead, assuming he or she will get their own memorial.
Just like we don't understand why it happened, or how it happens. I don't think anyone has a right to criticize what should or shouldn't be done, as there are not easy answers and there is no sole solution.
The Hilinski's were offended that WSU didn't actually say Tyler's name and he was edited out of the video showing the win over BSU. On the KOMO special the other night, it was made clear that WSU is concerned about glorifying Tyler's death and encouraging copycat suicides, where the Hilinski family feels that it's important to shine a bright light on the situation to humanize it and encourage people to talk about it.
Very cool gesture by EWU.
Might be time for a little cooling off period between the university and HH. Nobody will ever forget Tyler - but as I said last week, weddings and funerals bring out the best and worst.
Doesn't mean it's still not family -just means the various parties may need a little space for the time-being.
Might be time for a little cooling off period between the university and HH. Nobody will ever forget Tyler - but as I said last week, weddings and funerals bring out the best and worst.
Doesn't mean it's still not family -just means the various parties may need a little space for the time-being.
All of those things are true. But the towels were provided by Hilinski's Hope, not the university. The university chose to present a nameless, faceless version of suicide prevention. Tyler's name was not mentioned, his face was not shown. The team had the 3 stickers on their helmets, but didn't do anything visible from the stands.
WSU is afraid that by putting a name to it, and by "over memorializing", they'll normalize and increase suicide. I suppose there's some school of though that says this is true, but there was not a person in the stadium that didn't already know the story. I don't believe it would have hurt anything to say his name once. They had Glenn Johnson read a statement before introducing the Hilinskis, which could have easily been prefaced by "This year, the Cougar nation suffered a shocking and tragic loss when quarterback Tyler Hilinski chose to end his life. Nobody knew what demons he was facing. Nobody knew he needed help. If you or someone you know is struggling"...[launch into what was read], then introduce the family. That approach doesn't highlight him, doesn't glorify what he did, but at least acknowledges him and gives the issue a face.
I watched the KOMO special piece that Eric Johnson did on Sunday. It was pretty clear in it that the Hilinksis were disappointed in how WSU handled it - particularly in the fact that they didn't say his name. From where they stood, the only thing the university did was let them raise the flag. I was disappointed too, and now the university is on the wrong side of a couple of parents who are strong, vocal, and who are extremely sympathetic characters.
And I'm still disappointed they haven't acknowledged Keith Jackson either.
It is starting to feel like too much drama. Sorry if that sounds insensitive, but I think the issue is a lot bigger than the Hilinski's, and I imagine they would agree.
Here's to hoping that the disagreements that happened at the home opener are just one broken cord of the relationship, with enough of other strands holding what had been a good relationship together. "Throwing gas on the fire" doesn't seem like a good way to help.
Here's to hoping that the disagreements that happened at the home opener are just one broken cord of the relationship, with enough of other strands holding what had been a good relationship together. "Throwing gas on the fire" doesn't seem like a good way to help.
Yeah, no kidding.
"Our opponents can honor Tyler, but our own administration can’t. What a shame"
So WSU has done nothing to honor TH since the day he killed himself. Really? And this is going to sound really crappy, but why should WSU "honor" him anyway? Lament the loss for sure, and I think that lots has been done to do that.
I'm just failing to see how continuing to call out the WSU administration is honoring his memory.
I wonder if anyone has bothered to ask them, or if they asked themselves, if getting into a pissing match with the school he loved would be what Tyler wanted. If that is how he wanted his memory honored. How does this furthers the conversation at all?
Of course, I was very confident in my defense of Gesser and then Monday happened, so who knows - maybe Schulz and Chun told the H's to piss off, who knows. At this point, nothing would surprise me.
Since our home opener, I haven't followed this, so I don't know, but I got the impression that this was a brief emotional reaction. Maybe wishful thinking, but hopefully if it can die down on social media, it can be water under the bridge, so to speak. They have said extremely positive things about WSU leading up to last Saturday and they strike me as very solid people who with time will see a bigger picture.
There was the initial griping as posted by Jill Osur (infamous athlete parent griper...), then there was this which was posted last Saturday.
I guess we better hope no one else shows their respects for TH this season so there isn't a reason for them to be upset every weekend.
They're grieving and Lord knows I don't know what what they are going through so it'll be unfair of me to judge them for this. But I will say during times of grieving people will say things in the heat of the moment and not look at the whole picture. Wazzu is in a tough spot. The Hilinski's are choosing to glorify Tyler and everything he was a human being. They wish WSU will do the same.
WSU is in a situation where they feel if they continually talk about Hilinski it'll appear they are accepting suicide as noble form of death. What WSU should be judge on is what resources have they put into place for their student athletes and students. Mental health is serious and needs to be addressed. Continuing to say Tyler's name and focusing on his death takes away from the root of the cause for many suicides; mental health.
I'm not a doctor, nor have any expertise on this subject, but I feel if the team continues to focus on Tyler and his suicide it could get to the point of being unhealthy. Two of the players found him dead. That will be an image they'll never erase. I'm sure there's a lot of guilt going on with a lot of the players feeling they needed to do more. Look at the Arizona player, he feels somewhat responsible for Tyler's death because of the hit he put on them that might have caused his CTE.
Wazzu could have acknowledge him and his family at the San Jose State game. That would have been the proper thing to do. But to continue to memorialize him, that can get unhealthy and put WSU in a tough spot with students who are contemplating suicide.
Its fine for them to feel that way, but to publicly call out WSU to shame them as if they've done nothing is a bit much. That's hard to write because I mean no disrespect to the Hillinskis, but when you attack WSU you attack all of us. I think maybe they don't realize that, but I'm a Coug and I take ownership of what happens with the school, and just like other issues of which I am ashamed for our school, this issue is not one of them.
I agree. The Hilinski's seem to want everything to be about them and Tyler. The issue should stay on suicide...period.
Do we know if the Hilinski's posted that tweet? I'm wondering if Jill Osur or someone else is doing the posting....ostensibly, with the Hilinski's blessing. Probably doesn't matter, but there seems to be some deeper resentment for the WSU administration, not necessarily all of WSU.
Glad Cougar
Glad Cougar
The only thing I'll add is that WSU probably should not have edited Tyler's play out of the highlight video they showed at the game (correct me if I'm wrong and they actually included him...I can't be sure I'm right on this as my memory may be incorrect).
He was part of the team...and the win over BSU was monumental because of the big comeback. I don't think it would have been a terrible idea to show the part where he threw the winning TD in the 3rd OT...or even perhaps show very briefly how he was hoisted up by teammates after the game. It was, after all, a big moment during last season and he was the main story-line on that comeback. To avoid showing that seems a bit too calculated.
Just my $0.02. I may be wrong on this.
He was part of the team...and the win over BSU was monumental because of the big comeback. I don't think it would have been a terrible idea to show the part where he threw the winning TD in the 3rd OT...or even perhaps show very briefly how he was hoisted up by teammates after the game. It was, after all, a big moment during last season and he was the main story-line on that comeback. To avoid showing that seems a bit too calculated.
Just my $0.02. I may be wrong on this.
I don’t think WSU pays anyone to guide them thru anything. If there is a theme for WSU, they don’t know how to take care of people.
They are working with the JED Foundation that focuses on emotional health and suicide prevention.
They should fire them.
If these grieving parents left upset, WSU failed. A tidal wave of love and support should’ve landed on them. It didn’t.
Well I would characterize it that a large and 8 month long raining down of support already landed on them. Everyone knew the story, everyone knew who they were and why they were there. Ribbon on field. #3 on helmets. Money coming in to the HH project. So they wanted a fresh tidal wave in addition?
All else equal, of course nobody wants the parents to be upset or feeling that enough wasn't done. WSU has thousands of stakeholders, though, and has received generally accepted advice on how to handle the situation in an attempt to prevent additional suicides. Some may disagree with that advice or question the underlying science, but it's obvious from your posts a bit earlier in the thread that you haven't looked into these issues at all and have no informed basis for commenting on the matter.
People making decisions at WSU have responsibility for thousands of people, not the Hilinskis. Put yourself in the shoes of a WSU administrator ... what's important, not just morally, but legally? Making the Hilinskis feel good or protecting thousands of students and others? Again, one can poke at the science underlying the "contagion" theory, but if I was making decisions on this, I'd go with the generally accepted view on how to handle this, not what people making emotion-based arguments tell me. What if they went balls to the wall on the "honoring Tyler" side of things and suicides did, in fact, jump 20% in the next year at WSU? There could be various consequences of that.
The Hilinskis' wishes and asks, and certainly their feelings, cannot dictate WSU's actions or policies, even though everyone (myself included) have a great deal of sympathy for them and would prefer for them to feel good about how things are handled. To make sure it's absolutely clear, I can't even imagine what they're going through and I take no joy in writing anything like this. Not only is it terrible losing their son, but it has to feel terrible feeling that his memory isn't being honored sufficiently and that it will, eventually, fade away. As awful as it is, though, that can't be a driving factor for WSU here.
I think WSU did an admirable job with how it handled the issue at that home opener. There are a couple things to poke at, such as perhaps giving TH a bit more time in the video, but that's a judgment call. Overall, it did quite a bit within the context of trying to act in accordance with the advice it received.
Last edited:
As I told someone else: you can have empathy for the Hilinskis and their position and NOT feel obligated to trash WSU and/or three administration.
Apparently they left upset. Is there a point where you’ve done all you can? Sure. Do you want this family to walk away feeling you went overboard or underwhelmed?
There is a fine line between honoring and glorifying...the school did the right thing by leaning towards honoring, too much at stake to go the other way. I don't how many ways people can explain this to you.
Grieving parents leave overwhelmed or underwhelmed. Pick one.
I don’t know how many ways I can keep writing this before you get it. Grieving parents left upset at the effort WSU went to not to mention their sons name. I’m aware you can’t put on such a show that someone contemplating suicide thinks this is great and they will do it for me too once I commit suicide. You also can’t have Tyler’s parent fly home wondering why WSU did so little.
Read 425's post. It is spot on. "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one" - Mr. Spock.
This is the only time I'd quote Phil Donohue, but "
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Phil Donahue
I'll add that when we help make thoughts of suicide a temporary problem to what could otherwise be a permanent solution......we've made some progress.
So WSU goes with not mentioning the kid by name and his parents leave upset. Success for WSU. I don’t agree.
WSU has greater concerns than the feelings of a single family trying to make their son a martyr. I empathize with their grief, but mentioning Tyler by name doesn't make the situation better for anyone other than his surviving family.
Then why are so many other people complaining about it? So, are we to never mention the name Tyler Hillinski again? Why? More denial. If you don't want to talk about it...please don't.
What concern is that? One of their most high profile students committed suicide.
I don’t disagree that there is a point or limit, was that it? WSU had to hit the mark. If Tyler’s parents have gone public with their disappointment, they missed the mark by a wide margin.
They didn't honor. They didn't even acknowledge. And all of the outpouring of the last 8 months has been by Coug fans, not by WSU.
Apparently, that's the university's position. According to the Eric Johnson piece, football players have been told not to talk about it publicly.
I have mostly just lurked here but I would like to throw in a thought. Chun had said on the broadcast that there had been a suicides on campus before Tyler and also suicides on campus after Tyler. Maybe they felt like if they did all of this stuff to honor his memory that could upset the parents, families, friends of other students who have committed suicide as well since they wouldn't receive the same treatment. They kept the focus on suicide prevention in general instead of focusing on just one person.
Clustering is a very real phenomenon. I'm glad the school is doing what it can to downplay Tyler the individual and address the larger issue of suicide. This should be the primary concern of the survivors at WSU: how do we prevent the next suicide?
And I disagree with the notion the Hilinski family, by virtue of having a family member kill himself, are somehow experts in handling these issues. Understandably, they are grieving. But I don't think anyone in their position can have the good of the entire student body in mind.
Similar threads
