I hope Tyler's family can find peace in knowing we view this as a family loss

[ttowncoug]

the second this broke. My kid called

Friends texted.

We didn't lose a football player, we lost a family member. Like Keith Jackson.

I don't know how we honor Tyler, but find comfort that his loss will never be forgotten. He's forever a member of the family

 

[79COUG]

It never leaves your mind, ttown.
I've experienced it first hand and all I can say is it can destroy a family. It can cause a person to retreat into their own personal hell. It doesn't have to...but it can before you know it. I hope his family seeks the help they will undoubtedly need.

 

[roses04]

Unfortunately I received a phone call from a friend at around midnight on a Friday night about 5 years ago, "Can you come over and be with us, the police are coming over shortly apparently our son committed suicide". I feel for the Hillinski family and the pain they have to deal with. You second guess yourself as a parent, a friend, asking what could I have done, telling yourself I should have known. The reality is there is nothing you could have done, he came from a loving family, was a great individual, surrounded by great friends and teammates. I just wish hope that anyone contemplating taking their lives, looks at the other side, and all the pain you leave behind, as it is far greater than whatever demons you maybe dealing with. My heart goes out to the Hillinski family and all of his friends. Just know as a family you did everything you could, you raised a great son, loved him, cared for him, he was blessed to have a loving family that you provided. I feel your pain, but don't for one second look at yourselves as part of the problem. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your son was and is a beautiful person, and remember all the wonderful things you shared as a family.

 

[cr8zyncalif]

We also experienced this in our family. A 17 year old cousin; high school athlete; sunny disposition; everybody's friend, especially his younger cousins. One day he took his life. His parents went through all the classic grief cycle steps. His mom stays active with the high school sports booster club. They set up a scholarship at his high school in his name. His mom's answer when it came to trying to cope was to stay open, communicate, and not retreat or build walls. His dad, who is a much more private person, has tried to follow his wife's lead in that, but it is clearly painful. Their other (older) son has responded by trying to be a strength for his parents.

Nobody had a hint. Nobody saw it coming. The only limit to the second guessing is that nobody can see anything that would have suggested a concern. A tragedy from every angle. One thing they all agree on, 4 years later. The unconditional love and support of family and friends is critical to the healing process. Just knowing that others are there and that they care, along with the occasional random hug and kind word is big. And don't be afraid to mention their departed son to them, whether in terms of a memory or how he would have liked something; although bitter-sweet, it helps more than it hurts.

I feel so badly about the Hilinski's having to go through this process...in some ways for the rest of their lives. It will slowly get better, but that is little comfort at this point.